This week on the “Raw & Radiant” podcast, we’re turning the tables on conformity!

> Join me as I sit down with Alanna Hawley, a powerhouse of nonconformity, who has radically redefined her life by daring to embrace her authentic self. 

[TUNE IN HERE 🎧]

Breaking Chains and Taking Names: 

Why merely exist when you can truly live? On this episode, Alanna tears down the façade of societal expectations and invites you into a world where authenticity reigns supreme. Learn how throwing off society’s shackles can lead to a life brimming with depth and fulfillment.

Master the Art of Bold Choices: 

The essence of our podcast today is clear: bold choices lead to a bold life. Alanna shares her thrilling journey of epic decisions that catapulted her from the mundane to the extraordinary.

Discover how you can:

 • Carve Out Your Destiny: Don’t just follow your heart—charge ahead and make your heart’s desires your reality.

 • Forge Unbreakable Boundaries: Command respect for your personal space and energy. It’s not just self-care; it’s a battle cry for respect!

 • Dive Headfirst into Adventure: Embrace the thrill of the unknown. Authentic living isn’t for the faint-hearted—it’s for the brave!

The Grit Behind the Glamour: 

Living authentically is not all sunshine and rainbows, and Alanna doesn’t shy away from the gritty realities. Today’s podcast peels back the curtain on the tough battles and sweet victories of living true to oneself.

[🎙️JOIN THE SHOW HERE]

 If this episode of “Raw & Radiant” sparked a fire 🔥 within you, think of what’s possible if you step into your power every single freaking day.

Living authentically isn’t just a choice—it’s a relentless pursuit of freedom.

Are you ready to join the revolution?

👇🏻

  Channel that energy into joining my “Alchemy of Sacred Expansion.”

Break Generational Cycles,

Reclaim Your Power,

and Rewrite Your Story

🌟 An 8-week rebellious group journey to unleash your soul’s true essence, break the chains of the past, and step into unapologetic power. 🌟

> This isn’t just a course—it’s your freaking jailbreak permission slip! 

You’ve spent far too long living by someone else’s rules, stuck in patterns that aren’t even yours. It’s time to shatter the cage, burn the old script, and rise as the most radiant, untamed version of YOU.

Here’s What You’ll Receive (and Why You’ll Love It): 

💫 8 Live Zoom Sessions (75-90 minutes) > Release decades of stored trauma with soul-shaking breathwork journeys that’ll leave you lighter, freer, and fiercely aligned. (Value: $1,600)

🍄 Personalized Micro🍄dosing Protocol  > Designed to open to the wisdom of your heart, break the old programmed patterns in the ego brain, and unlock to the wisdom of the plant medicine. Delivered straight to your door. (Value: $150)

📱 Voxer Support (Monday-Friday) > Need support, guidance, or space to process a breakthrough? I’ve got you with real-time voice and text support. (Value: $500+)

📓 Integration Tools & Journaling Prompts > Ground your breakthroughs and weave your newfound freedom into every part of your life. (Value: $300)

Course Details 

🗓️ Start Date: Tuesday, January 28th, 2025

⏰ Time: 4 PM PST / 7 PM EST

📍 Where: Zoom

[CLAIM YOUR SPOT]—spaces are filling fast as rebels like you awaken to their true potential.

📣 Raise Your Voice: 

Did today’s podcast stir something within you? Shout it from the rooftops, or maybe just share it in the comments and connect with us on social media.

Get notifications when new episodes drop by tapping the "follow" button! And if you loved this episode, let me know by leaving a review!

Website: https://www.victorialeestarr.com/ 

IG: @victorialeestarr 

FB: Victoria Lee Starr 

YouTube:  Victoria Lee Starr 

TRANSCRIPT:

Victoria Starr:
Welcome to Raw and Radiant, the podcast that ignites your spirit and empowers your soul. Are you ready to embark on a transformative journey? Here, we give other women permission to embrace their truth, to find the courage to choose themselves first. Because guess what? You are not alone. Join us in this massive journey of empowerment and courage. Together we'll illuminate your inner spark, empowering you to embrace the radiant light within and show you how magical you are. It's time to unleash your potential and make a difference in this world. Are you ready to step into the raw and radiant version of you? Hello and welcome back to another episode of Raw and Radiant. I am so excited that you are here. I am so excited that we have stepped into January 2025. I have with me a beautiful guest and this guest is really going to bring into the space a lot of questions, a lot of juiciness, a lot of magic, a lot of organic conversation that we get to step outside of the paradigm of how society says we should and shouldn't live. I know and I can already feel in my heart and my truth bumps that are all over my body that this episode is going to be one that you're going to want to share with your sisters, your friends is going to be one that you're going to want to hit replay because it's going to invoke a lot of questions within you because we're going to go deep. We're going to go into the messy metal as Alana explains it. Um, So I have with me in the show, Alana, she is not a coach or a healer. She is a woman that leads from her heart. She lives this non-traditional life as an entrepreneur, as a childless woman who can't stay put in the same place for too long. She's passionate about brainstorming out loud, and that's where we're going, and how to pursue life amidst the societal pressure to be this and I'm air quoting this normal because I'm here right now to tell you and ask you what the fuck is normal, right? All right, so I want to welcome Alana Holly. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for, we're recording this in November of 2024, but I really do know that it's going to hold true in the next month and a half that these questions are going to resonate so deeply. So thank you so much for being here. I'm so happy to be here. Yes. Yeah. Cool. I want to drop into this space too, that we originally met at a breathwork class in downtown San Diego. And like, I think I'm pretty sure we breathe together and being in that space of this breathwork class, like I really felt your energy and I really felt the power. And I know that we connected over a similarity of our lifestyle, because as I live full time in my van with my Chocolate Lab Bolivia traveling all across the country, you're like so curious, like, let me see inside of your van. How do you do this? And after this breathwork session and this energy of the space um of the breath and the vibration that we both felt connected within this breathwork class like we resonated so deeply that we've stayed in connection over social media and in the space too um of just being women in this life that's choosing to do life differently so introduce yourself a little bit more anything that i missed anything like you'd like to drop into the space

Alanna Hawley: No, I mean, that was a great introduction. Um, yeah, I mean, I think so. I, yeah, I'm as, as was introduced, I'm, I'm not a, a coach or a healer. I'm just a person trying to figure out how to live, how it is that I want to live. And it's not, you know, when it, when it said a non-traditional we'll use the air quotes there too. a non-traditional path, you know, it can be really challenging day to day to work through it. And I think, you know, there's a lot about maybe the beginning of this process where you're sort of learning about yourself. There's a lot of maybe conversation about that. And I think there's also a lot of conversation about maybe after a big decision is made or something like that, but not a lot on What you do in the middle, and so I'm I'm just my introduction to simply that I'm a person and I'm here to talk out loud about what this is like, and you know. hopefully all you guys out there can connect with this journey and we'll work through it together. Yes, I love that.

Victoria Starr: I love that. So I want for the listeners to have you reflect on what does this non-traditional life mean to you? So I travel full-time in the van. I know that you do a little of both. You have a home base and you travel too, but what does this non-traditional life mean to you?

Alanna Hawley: Yeah. And I am still figuring that out every day. So for me, in a more literal, logistical sense, yeah, I'm not a full-time nomad, but I would say I identify as a part-time nomad. And I'm new to that lifestyle, but I spent about three months on the road this summer, and I do have a home base in San Diego. Um, and so I'm, yeah, part-time traveling, but even that is, um, even part-time nomad is, turns out you get some pushback on that as well. Um, and you know, I've like, I've chosen, you know, not to have children, which I think is becoming more common and maybe not as, you know, not as quote unquote non-traditionals that maybe used to be viewed. Um, I don't want to work 40 hours a week. I do have a somewhat corporate job right now just for life purposes, but I don't want to do that. There's so many things. I'm like, I don't want to do that. I don't want to count down to Friday. I don't want to do my meal prep on the weekend and save all my hobbies for the weekend. To me, it feels like there's so many. you know, I'm on the outside, maybe I can kind of blend a little bit, you know, that live in this house in the suburbs part of the time, it looks real, quote, unquote, normal. And this is why I, you know, I, I think there's so many of us out here who are like, yeah, like, I don't need to go make a big change in my life. But something just needs to be different. Something needs to be different.

Victoria Starr: Yeah, yeah. I totally agree with that. I totally resonate with that sometimes. And it's too, how can you have the both? Like, can you sit in the both? But I want to drop into this space too, Alana, that be this, this be normal society's pressure to be normal. Like for me to be normal is, as a woman in my generation is to have the 2.5 kids to have the house with the white picket fence and that you work the 9 to 5 Monday through Friday job and you work for the weekends like literally there's the song right working towards the weekend and like there was so much just like uncomfortableness like like you said there's just this yearning inside of me that there's something more there's something more and i'm not here to live this normal and why is that normal it's just what somebody told us was normal like how come we can't choose a lifestyle that works best for us and allow that to be our normal. And it doesn't have to be normal because it can shift throughout life, right? So for me, that's what I recognize as my generational normal. And for you, you already dropped that into the space because maybe drop in how old you are and talking about this childless woman and choosing not to have kids because honestly truly like I still see women that they're supposed to have kids and it's always asked when are you going to have kids. True.

Alanna Hawley: Yeah, that is very true. Yeah, so I'll be 35 in a month. And I think I'm very blessed because my parents don't put any pressure. I don't get family pressure about children. In fact, my mom always taught me, if you don't 100% want kids, don't do it. You got to be 100% in. So I'm lucky in a lot of ways. So I think, yeah, some people may Face a lot more of that societal pushback on the kids thing that maybe I do, but, you know, I'm gonna I'll drop another kind of example. If that I think something that that may be relatable is. Something I've been experiencing is, so I travel currently and did travel this last summer a lot in my truck. I have the bed of my truck built out. Hopefully more to come in the future on that build out. Um, and so, you know, I like to be out for weeks at a time. I don't want to just go on weekend trips and people will kind of say to me, you know, as I'm, as I'm talking about my love for being on the road and someone will say, Oh, we'll just go camping on the weekends. You like camping, just go on the weekend. I'm like, no, that's not it. I mean, I mean, they're, it's all such good intention there. It's, it's very loving. So I don't want to sound so rejecting of that, but it's just, you know, that's not it. And so like, you know, you try to push yourself into these, well, I'll just go on the weekend and that, but it's not right. And it's okay. Like, I think we put pressure on ourselves to like, just be happy with the weekend or, and yeah, I just wanted to drop that other example. Cause sometimes like, you know, just feel it's like, that's not right. Like that's not it. That's a different activity.

Victoria Starr: Yeah. I mean, you can't get very far in a weekend, especially if you're in San Diego, like there isn't you're in the corner of the country. Yeah.

Alanna Hawley: Yeah.

Victoria Starr: You can't get very far. But also like. Like kudos to people that are listening to the show that they know what they like and they like to just, and I'm not using just, they like the travel on the weekends. That's okay for you. What we're bringing into the space is how can you explore something different? If you hear that whisper, if you hear that nudge, if you hear that calling, to do life differently than what society says you should do. It's the shoulds, this nontraditional living, the simplicity, this minimalism, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So beautiful. So take us through, like you traveled for, you said six months this last summer, like, where did you go? What did you explore? You're in your truck camper. Like even for me in the van, that's totally different.

Alanna Hawley: Yeah. Um, and thank you for the credit. It was only three months, but I wish it was six months, but it may be six months in the future. Yeah, that's coming. Yeah. Yeah. So I went, um, from San Diego all the way up to Montana. I spent a lot of time in Colorado. My S my sister, um, lives there. And so, um, Yeah, California, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, all the way back down. And it was just the best, you know, like the feeling when you're like, I've always wanted to do that, but it's always been really hard to like justify, um, being away from home that long. Or like, especially if you're paying rent and you're like, I'm paying rent. I don't want to be gone for two or three months and paying rent that whole time. And I wasn't paying rent at that time. So I finally was like, well, then I'm going to fucking do this. Yes. Yeah. So it was, it was amazing. And so my, um, I just sort of did it. My truck is… It is set up for weekends only, really, but that's because that's for a long time. I just tried to conform to that. So it's like I spend all my time outside because there's really not any inside. I can I sleep in the back of the truck and I can like kind of lay there and watch TV, but I can't work, can't cook inside. Everything's outside. So I did start to get pretty like hired. It can be taxing even when it's so gorgeous outside, but just like always being out there and working all day. I was working a full time job. Mm, remotely. and trying to find internet is always difficult. And so there were a lot of stressful things about it, but you just have to, at some point, do it. Like I didn't, I couldn't go buy a truck camp. One day I hoped to buy a truck camper, but I couldn't go buy a camper. I couldn't go buy a van. I couldn't, you know, I had to do, use what I had, which was, you know, this truck with a soft top around the back, which is like a little cap on the bed of the truck and a Yakima,

Victoria Starr: a hitch box and you know like and you did it for three months like so big kudos to you because that is so brave and so courageous to take the resources I have and go, I'm going to do this. Let's experiment. Let's see what this is like, because that's what life is, is this big fucking experiment. Yeah.

Alanna Hawley: And you can't wait till you have the big thing or the right thing. You have to just do it. And of course, like, yeah, safety, like, it's not like I'm just going out there without enough water or like, you know, whatever. But, um, there were a lot of questions. Like, I don't know what the cell signal is going to be like. I don't know. Let me have some backup options just in case I need them. But let's just go.

Victoria Starr: Yeah. Wow. So celebrating you that that I mean, I can I know I witnessed I watched your stories and just like celebrating you on just taking that step into that freedom and to adapt with what you have and to explore. Even three months is a long time, so I totally get it. So I want to go into the space of like we met in a breathwork session and you know that is something that I am completely passionate about. And I facilitate a three-part conscious connected breathing pattern so that we can have these maybe these big clearing aha moments so that we can heal the past. We can heal generational trauma. We can, we can let go of the bullshit stories. And also like, I know it's not for everyone. So drop into the space. If you would share your experience with breathwork since we met in breathwork, because like, I am here to support. people, women specifically, and the tools that work best for them, because not always my way is the right way for them.

Alanna Hawley: Yeah. Yeah. Yes. And we did meet. I do. I do remember that the night that we did get to breathe next to each other, it was so powerful. And I did do that. I practiced that three part breath for, um, gosh, maybe like a year. I was going to a lot of like for a while a weekly, um, And at that time, I was starting two businesses, and I had quit my job. And so I was really all in on this other, again, me always trying to find some way to get out of this rat race. And I've lived in a camper. Look, traveling is not the first time. I lived in a very large bumper pole camper. It was like 35 feet long, like a tiny house. It was basically my tiny house. Girl, let me tell you, I've been trying so many different things to try to figure out what works. But yeah, with Breathwork, it was, you know, I was moving through such, yeah, these big, like, starting businesses. It's scary. It's a lot of pressure. It's a lot.

Victoria Starr: And so it was very… So your nervous system is amped already from the businesses and doing the things that you're supposed to do and should do for being an entrepreneur.

Alanna Hawley: Yeah. And so I was confronting so many Um. you have to confront so many of your stories when you do something like starting a business or lots of things, lots of things kind of put you, even though I'm not a parent, I think probably becoming a parent is another thing that you have to deal with those things. So Breathwork was a tool that was very helpful for me to try to like get up and work through those things that were holding me back and Um, so I did that. I did that. I did that. And really just worked my ass off and working my ass off on myself and on two businesses. And, um, look guys, businesses take a long time to get off the ground. It doesn't just take a year. I think I believed there are, you know, some narratives out there probably, especially on social media that, Oh, you, if you follow this plan, you know, you'll be successful in a year. I love entrepreneurship, so I definitely would never get out of that. I would never undo that, but it takes time. And so I hit a really rough patch financially. I had to leave my home, which ended up being a gift, as it always turns out. It was really hard. It was so and I also, I mean, just truth be told, like, you know, financial difficulties, I wasn't like able to probably eat as much food as one is supposed to eat. You know, groceries have been expensive for a while. And so I was and I say that to just highlight, I was very much in survival mode. So that is just to say that food and shelter were just my top priorities. And so I moved away from some of those practices. And I think in my brain almost associates like some kind of association that those tools don't work because I did those things and then I kind of lost access to food and shelter or whatever. I'm sorry, that's dramatic. I didn't leave shelter. I have a very loving family. So I had a lot of support. So I don't want that to seem like, more than but I think I felt I dropped that tool because I was like this is not. this led to bad places. It didn't.

Victoria Starr: Yeah. And I, and I want to add into like, it's, again, it comes back to that nervous system, your nervous system from starting the businesses, the nervous system, trying to clear out the stories from breath work. And then all of a sudden it just becomes a lot for your nervous system to hold. And so something gets to give, and that's the tool that you had the awareness and you had, That learning lesson is like, okay, I need to take care of myself in a different way. What's going to be able to hold me safely now? Because we get to pivot.

Alanna Hawley: Yes. And that's such a great, like you made that point earlier of like, it's going to change. Like what works for you is going to change. At that time when I was really getting into the business life, that energy of the, of that breathwork style, the energy, the, the, the depth of the, and I keep using the word energy because it's, I think it's a very, very high energy, um, practice at level of energy became too much. That was too much energy. And now, a gentle breath is all I can do. And that all is I need, you know, really it's all I need. So it does get to change.

Victoria Starr: It does get to change. You get to pivot. And maybe also like at that, at this chapter of your life, like the lessons you have learned. And so now you get to take those lessons that you learned during that season and you get to use those lessons within this messy middle. So I'm going to come into this messy middle. We talk about And you've talked about step one. Step one are the big fucking breakthroughs, right? Maybe you were in a breathwork session and you had this aha moment. It was a big breathwork session. Maybe you did a psilocybin journey and you had this big breakthrough moment. And then like you shared with me that social media, we always put out the step three. I did it. I was brave. This is how I did it. And X, Y, Z, and you can do it too. And like, there's a lot of pressure with step three, right? But what happens within step two, when you're in this messy middle and you're trying to figure out life, you're trying to figure out, you're trying to figure out how to be a part-time nomad, maybe a full-time nomad. Maybe you're just trying to figure out life as a mom, but for you, what is this pursuing this messy middle or having this drastic change allow you to sit in the messy middle?

Alanna Hawley: Well, I think I'll kind of start that off with like, I, I feel like maybe because there's a lot of coverage of step one and step three, it feels like step two also has to be big, you know, that it also has to be about making these big changes and making these big announcements and make. And I don't think that's what it's about at all. I think it's like. I like in Liz Gilbert's book, Big Magic, and I'm gonna misquote this, but the idea is you're kind of sneaking away with your lover. Your art is your lover and you're sneaking away and it's not something that you're just in your own little world for a little bit and that's okay. And I think you have to, like I've had to take the pressure off myself for it to be

Victoria Starr: big like step one and or step one doesn't have to none of this has to be big let's just doesn't no it can all be big or none of it can be big or some of it can be it's you know but it's it's a perception too it's like it could be big to you and maybe not anybody else i mean it's your perception and it can just be just these I keep saying just and I don't want to minimalize it at any way, shape or form. It can be this whisper, this nudge that's in the back of the head and you softly, I see this river, you softly float down this river.

Alanna Hawley: Yeah, I think using just is okay because we can make it more simple than we might be thinking it needs to be. And I don't even know if I answered your question, but that's where I'm at now is just thinking of this messy middle as a gentle, experimental, curious place that doesn't have to be anything. It doesn't have to be a big decision. It doesn't have to be an announcement that you make. you know, obviously within the realm of safety, if I'm, you know, as, as a nomad, you still want to tell the people you love where you're going. So they know you're alive, but you know, it doesn't have to be this, like, I am a part-time nomad, you know, big announcement. It gets to be just, I mean, of course, it gets to be whatever you want, but for me, it's important to remember it can be small or not small, gentle.

Victoria Starr: And that's what I want to pause you at. It gets to be whatever you want it to be. That's where I'm going to full circle back to the beginning of the show where we're talking about the societal norm that says how we should and shouldn't show up, how we should live in this box of what, the program, the matrix, whatever you want to call it, says we should live this life. And so it gets to be whatever you want. And that's the permission slip that I feel like you're dropping into the space for the listeners is that you get to choose. You get to choose how you live your life. And that gets to be perfect in itself and normal in itself just for you. Yeah.

Alanna Hawley: Yeah. Yeah. And it's not a Black and white type, I choose, I choose, it can change. And it can also, I'll share another example. I like examples because I hope that people can identify with them in some way in their own life. I'm prone to this kind of like black and white thinking. It's either this or it's that and it's one or the other. I'm either traveling or I'm not traveling. I'm either a nomad or I'm not a nomad. I'm one or the other. Especially like when, so I'm like in a fantastic relationship that I care very much about and I don't want to mess that up. And so, you know, it, it's like, sometimes that it's a wonderful thing and it can also add a little layer because you're like, well, I don't want to, I want to, you know, emotionally bring this person along with me. I want them to be included. I want, um, but I'm not going to sacrifice anything that I want. So you get to like, so with the choosing, it's not, you have to choose, the relationship or the not relationship. You can choose, this is how I need to live. And sometimes, I don't know if anyone else can relate to this, sometimes you do have to live that way. If I don't, I've learned this the hard way, if I don't pursue these kinds of paths that I see for myself, I start self-distracting. I start messing up everything around me. Possibly why I had some of those financial troubles, because what happened after I lost my home? I traveled. But the point being is you can identify it as, this is what I'm going to pursue. But I don't have to choose to keep someone or not keep someone or keep a thing or not keep a thing. You can find ways to, hey, I'm going to be traveling in these three states. Where do you want to meet me? Come meet me somewhere. You know, I'm going to go do this, but I want you to meet me there. I want you to come with me for part of it. And you don't have to choose one or the other. So with choice, I think that's really, for me, really helpful to remember is it doesn't have to be yes or no.

Victoria Starr: Right. And that's something I've been sitting with too. I recently had a plant medicine ceremony where I sat with the medicine and that came through so strongly is that we live in this culture. It's black or white. It's Democrat, Republican. It's you believe pro-choice or non-pro-choice like there is no gray, but why can't there be this gray? Why can't there be the pressure taken off our shoulders to have the choice that that we get to do this life however we want to, and that's where I'm coming from, is that I get to choose what's right for me. I love to travel. I love that you brought this in here, Alana, that, okay, I'm going to choose to travel for me because if I stay home, if I stay in that box, I get self-destructive. I forget who I am and then I'm not the person that I desire to be. So I'm going to travel for the three months. Please come with me. I don't need you there the whole entire time because I need the sanctuary and the sanctity of my soul being nurtured and loved by whatever it is. If it's traveling overseas or if it's sitting in the woods, naked along a river, like whatever feels good for you. And then come meet me. Like that's the permission of getting out of this normal. We need to work this nine to five this Monday through Friday. We need to have the house and the husband and the kids and the, the sucker and the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, like that becomes so robotic to me. So can you live this life where you choose you your dreams in this nontraditional lifestyle?

Alanna Hawley: Yeah, yeah. And the gray can be a very stable place. I think it's associated that if you're in the gray area, it's wishy-washy, it's unstable. No, because when you're being intentional about it and I'll say you know what it is you want right now, because it can change. But when you, you can make that intentional, you can say, you can make that gray area you're in, you communicate to people about it, you make it, you're clear with people, you're, as Brene Brown says, clear is kind. If you're clear, and you are communicative about it, that gray area can be solid as a rock. Yeah.

Victoria Starr: It happens to be somewhere in the middle. Yeah. So it's, it's, it's in the middle of trying to figure it out. And that's like, that's where I think social media comes in and it gives us this skewed idea that somebody has it all figured out, but nobody has it figured out. Like we're all experimenting in this life. Right. Yeah.

Alanna Hawley: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've had to get, I've had to reduce social media because it is, it, it leads you into these, I think it's more prone to leading you into these kinds of feelings of like big, I have to know, I have to say, I have to declare, I have to post a picture of it.

Victoria Starr: And, and there also comes with that, like this emotional detachment. and like how is that creating these stories in our head that I'm not enough, I'm not worthy, I'm not, you know, I'm living in these limiting beliefs and this self-doubt and all these these false narratives within our mind, right, that that we get I don't know. I have this motto that comes through for me so clearly that I choose to live this life, the highs and the lows and the middles, the ups and the downs, experimenting. And my ultimate is to get close to the end of life, skidding sideways into the grave going, holy shit, what a fucking ride. And that can be however I choose it to be.

Alanna Hawley: Right? Yeah. And it can be different things. We also, I think as humans forget, we can change our mind. You feel like you have to commit to this thing and then that's it. When I lived in the camper, it was like, I parked it in an RV park. I didn't travel with it. It was huge. It was huge. And I had a Hyundai Elantra at the time. We were not getting that thing anywhere. But I did that for less than a year and I decided I didn't like it. because I wanted to move around with it. It was too big. And I just sold it. And I remember people saying, I got more reaction, not that it's about the reaction, but just understanding how people feel about this. I got more reaction to quote unquote quitting or changing my mind than I did for actually moving into a camper. People were more like, wow, you decided you didn't like it, so you just stopped. Yeah, you can do that.

Victoria Starr: Yeah. So I love that, too, because I mean, again, it comes into that box that we have been programmed to believe since we were little that it is bad to change our mind. Yeah. It's like you're you're flippant or you're you're not settled or you're not grounded. It's like, no, I'm just it just doesn't work anymore. Yeah. And can we allow that to be OK?

Alanna Hawley: Yeah. Change my mind. I think I want to try this other thing now. Yeah, fun. That other thing sounds fun.

Victoria Starr: Yeah, why not?

Alanna Hawley: Why not?

Victoria Starr: I'm so I'm so for that. I am so for that. So hmm. Yeah, this is so beautiful. This conversation. I know you have some questions for me. Dude, you caught me looking down at my… I did. I did. I know. And I feel it coming.

Alanna Hawley: Yeah. Well, I do want to ask you some questions because my theme… You know, we kind of get into, like, in our reflections or whatever, like, sort of recurring themes in our head and mind right now is, like, it doesn't have to be a big thing. I've said that a lot of times already. It doesn't have to be a big announcement. But one of my questions for you is, you know, I would guess there are times where big is going to be big, you know. So, and how did I word this? When is big warranted, do you think? Sometimes there is a big decision involved. If you are going to be a full-time nomad and you want to break your lease or give up your home, there are big decisions that come about in some of these things. And so right now I'm kind of getting the benefit of getting to talk about some of these gentle, small things. When is big warranted though?

Victoria Starr: There's a couple of different ways I wanna go with this. I love the question, thank you. Thank you for interviewing me on my podcast. Yeah, yeah. Totally acceptable because we get to choose however we want to do this podcast too. But when is big warranted? Like, again, I want to reflect back as like, why is it black or white? Why is it big or small? And I come back to this other thing that always happens to me when I have this so-called, I'm quoting, air quote, if it's a big thing, if this thing is big and we're not sure if we should do it, like it's sit in the pause, sit in the moment and allow yourself to slow down the breath And for me, I get these sweaty pit moments when it's warranted, when it's big, when I should lean into it. and allow the moment, if it's fearful and I get the sweaty pit moments and I feel the uncomfortableness, I sit with, is this uncomfortable because this is a decision that's going to stretch me and allow me to grow and evolve and allow me to learn more lessons? Because there's no, again, there's no right or wrong. It's just a lesson. If it didn't work out, we get to change it again. So it's just a lesson in this human journey that, all right, so maybe it works for you, but it's not working for me and I'm going to shift. So that big warranted, should I be a full-time nomad? Well, just look at, just look at how you're breathing into it. Just look at what it reacts within your body. And can you sit in that moment and understand that getting quiet, maybe sitting in the nature, maybe sitting by the ocean, maybe sitting wherever feels good for you, but it's really all about getting quiet and shutting out the noise within you and whatever tool that you have to allow those reflections to come through so that you can make the choice that's best for you without the outside chaos, without the outside limiting beliefs that are coming into your world. Mm-hmm.

Alanna Hawley: Oh yeah, that's, yeah. That's, that's great. And it's like, is it, is it a sweaty pit sphere or is it a ball in the stomach fear, which might be a different message?

Victoria Starr: Yeah, exactly. Because when we're in the van, when we're in the truck and we're staying somewhere, we could have, you know, we're pulling up to a location where we're going to stay overnight or for three nights, whatever, like does it feel good within your body? Like that's where we get to lean into that intuition is the feeling. What feeling does it evoke in your body without having that outside noise coming in? So if I pull up to a place and I look around and I'm like, Oh, this just feels icky and sticky. I need to leave. You don't need to question it. You don't need to like X, Y, Z it. You don't need to pro and con it. It's just, you get to make that choice that this decision is not right for you and peace out. That's the permission is that you don't have to prove it to anybody else. That's your permission.

Alanna Hawley: Yeah. I think gosh, as, especially as women, we're like, we will push through so many gut feelings because we're like, Oh, it's dramatic. Or it's like, you know, you just ignore it. Cause you're like, Oh, don't, don't be a party pooper, whatever. I feel like we're always right though. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, we get so much. I know I struggle with that feeling like I have to push through the gut feeling of something.

Victoria Starr: Yeah, and also there comes in those limiting beliefs of other people too. It's like, oh, that's scary for you to be five miles or 10 miles off the main road if you're going to park in the wilderness. Like, okay, that's somebody else's limiting belief. Is this going to challenge me to open up to see more of life's beauty or is it really unsafe? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for that question. It's beautiful.

Alanna Hawley: Yeah, yeah. With a beautiful answer. I mean, just taking our conversation and just riffing on it even more. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah. What so this is the I only have two questions for you. This is the second one. But, you know, what do we do? So this all sounds It's so, I love these conversations. I listen to your podcast and other podcasts because I love hearing, feeling like, oh yes, I'm getting this encouragement from like-minded people. But we still get confronted with, and I say we as in anybody who just is doing something that is quote-unquote not normal. We're going to use those air quotes. there's a lot of nudging we get. Oh, aren't you going to settle down? Aren't you going to get a house? Aren't you going to do this? When are you going to do that? Well, don't you miss, you know, whatever questions that are oftentimes innocent, but, um, these nudges we get that's like, get back in your box, get back in your box. And for me, sometimes they're happening like daily, multiple times a day. Um, How do you handle how do you manage that especially if it's let's say. Maybe there's been a lot of them in a row and you're just getting a little fatigued in terms of like i know my truth. But after so many instances of that those nudges you just like do you get worn down and then how do you kind of move through that.

Victoria Starr: Yeah this is a beautiful question to reflect on because I think it's something that I'm sitting with right now as we're as when this episode is going to launch in the in January like I will be nestled in an Airbnb in Colorado because I'm hearing this gentle call to be like snuggled up. It's a feeling. It's a vision within this feeling that I have to just be in the pause, to be in the moment of the winter nest, like a bear wants to hibernate. I feel that so intensely. And so some people may say, well, you're supposed to be in the van and you're supposed to be doing this and the shoulds and the things. And like, they're still, again, putting me in a box of van life. Right. It's wrong to rent an Airbnb for a month or two months or three months. Like, but wait, there's something that is, why is, I don't know right now why that's calling me, but it will be revealed to me. Maybe it may be, you never want to freaking do this again because you don't want to be in one space, like you said, and not be able to travel. Or it may be, wow, Colorado's opening me up to something else. So it's like when these people put you in these boxes, you just have to reflect back to what feels good for you. what feels good for you because there's no such thing as normal. I really want to have this whole paradigm shift that normal is an illusion, perfect is an illusion, and that's that. Even the podcast, okay, you're not supposed to be interviewing me Elena on my podcast, no, we get to do it however we want to do it, right? And so it's just leaning into, okay, that didn't work. Let's not do that again. All right, that worked really well. Let's do it again. So, I mean, it's just, it's really leaning into what feels good to you. And if it doesn't work, then just shift.

Alanna Hawley: Yeah, yeah. Yep. Just, just shift. Yeah. See, just, the word just is working just fine for us in this. It justly is. I think for me, like, even when you, you know, for me, when I acknowledge, at least consciously, there isn't really no such thing as normal, because there isn't. And I consciously acknowledge that. It can, you still sometimes get the, whatever they are, nudges, pokes, something that just sort of like, you know, gets at you a little bit. And I, for me, and maybe this is like, I'm like a, maybe I'm like a newbie to some of this. So I'm still building up some of my like, strength, I guess you could say or something. But I just remind myself, what is the alternative if I don't go do this thing? For me, I've identified that I become self-destructive. And for somebody else, it might be like, if they struggle with depression, maybe it really flares up really badly or whatever the reflection is. If I don't do this thing that I'm getting pushed to do, the alternative is, I might wreck this wonderful relationship I'm in if I don't do this. I know people keep trying to nudge me this way and I kind of hate always having to feel like I'm getting pushed, but okay, but I have to do this. It's weird to say that, quote unquote, not having a choice, we always have a choice, but feeling like you don't have a choice is actually freeing sometimes. Like I have to go do this thing. And I'm saying it in a way that's like, I am choosing to go, you know, this is my, still my choice. Yeah. But to, to me to understand, what the maybe consequences would be if I don't follow that a little bit. Like what does it feel like? What am I going to lose? I'm going to lose myself. I'm going to lose my centeredness. If you didn't go stay in the Airbnb in January, what is the alternative? You're feeling this need to nestle up. that would probably be really, it could be very impactful for you to ignore that need to cozy up. It's just like, well, you wanna put me back in the van life box, but I have to do this right now.

Victoria Starr: Yeah, exactly. And I mean, for me, the alternative is there's van lifers that go to Baja, and I've done that for two winters. And for me, it's that, all right, I'm put back in the box of going to Baja for the winter or staying in Quartzsite, Arizona, which doesn't feel good for me. But if I go back to Baja along the Sea of Cortez, which is actually really freaking beautiful, but I've done that. Like it's, it's like that repetitive doing the same thing over and over again. And I know for me, that doesn't work. That makes me resent the person that I'm with. That makes me resent who I become again. That makes me really like, Oh my God, here we go again. Like, I don't have the joy to get up each day. And I mean, also like van life is really exciting and also van life is very hard. Winter time in van life is really hard. As right now I'm navigating a dog that has a cone in her head because she just had surgery and it's a little tiny space. So, you know, it's allowing the different to be different. allowing for me to know what makes me happy what lights my soul up and maybe you don't know what it is anybody that's listening maybe that you don't understand what that is but it's being a It's I'm encouraging you to explore it. I'm encouraging you to take the month and be by yourself in the Airbnb in the middle of the woods, doing, writing a novel or like, cause what if you never did, you'd have this life and you'd get to the end of life and you go, holy shit, I regret that. I regret not doing that. And I'm reminded that when my dad passed in 2018, I'm an only child and he was the love of my life. And when he passed, I saw this deep regret within his eyes. And I recognize that I am never I'm not going to say never, hard never, but I really want to avoid those regrets. I really want to avoid the rest of my life not trying something. I really want to avoid, for me, playing small. And what that is, playing small, is staying in the box that society puts me in. So it's, it's will you regret not doing the thing that you're being, having this gentle whisper to do.

Alanna Hawley: Yeah, I love your you're sliding into the grave going holy shit. What a fun ride. Yeah. Yeah, probably gonna borrow that from you. Okay. Okay. Yeah, cuz that's like, well, you know, would it be easier for me to just quote-unquote settle down and live in this house and do my meal prep on the weekend. Sure, I could do that, but no, I can't actually because that's just going to be, you know, so it's like, I think it is like, yeah, you're like, well, technically I could do that, but it's really not a, I really can't though, because I know that's just not an option. Other folks out there, you just got to trust. People in my life just trust me when I say that I have to do this. You have to just trust me that this is what it is. One thing I like to do when I'm feeling a little maybe just pushed against with all these nudges is I love going to the grocery store for whatever reason. It's just something I love doing. I don't know why, but like you go to the store and you just look at like, I love, I do love vegetables. I eat a lot of vegetables. I'll like go to the produce section and I'll just look at each vegetable and be like, I imagine myself eating it. And then I'm like, which vegetable sounds the best? Like, which one do I want to eat right now? I don't have a shopping list. Well, I might have a few things I need. But, and you probably do that with any aisle. Gosh, you could go to the potato chip aisle. There's so many flavors of chips, like. There's so many choices. So many choices, you could just stare at that aisle and just like wait for one of them to like. call out to you, you know, barbecue tips, barbecue.

Victoria Starr: So life is like a grocery store aisle. It is. You just get to stare at it and see what sounds good to eat. Well, and that's the thing too, that like, it's this knowing you have this knowing, and that's where I come back to if we can just get quiet. Yeah. and allow the chaos and the noise to be silenced however that works for you. Maybe it's a bath, maybe it's microdosing, maybe it's nature, but just feel the knowing that's within you. And then if you choose to pick up that bag of potato chips and you're like, hard boundary, oh, hell no, to seed oils, and it has seed oil in it, you're like, okay, I'm putting you back. That's my boundary. Yeah. Yeah. Life is like an aisle of potato chips.

Alanna Hawley: Yes. I love this. I love analogies. So I love food. So this is a good combination.

Victoria Starr: I love it. I love it. Do you have any more questions for me? No, that was it.

Alanna Hawley: I'll, I don't have to interview you anymore on it. But no, I'm like, no, those those were the only two. But like, yeah, I just feel like, you know, as we're going through these, like, process, like these, this middle, messy middle, you know, it's so good to get other perspectives on how other people think about it. And also like you reflected back to me something I had been sharing already. Like it doesn't have, it can be whatever you want, you know, what's this big or small, you know? So anyway, no, I don't have any, no more questions.

Victoria Starr: I love it. I love it. Oh, I feel that this conversation is such a beautiful reflection, Elena, that We get to choose life gets to be how we choose for it to be. And it doesn't have to be a big or small. It's not a black or white. It is your, it is, it is your life. And there is no normal. Can we get out of the societal box of what is normal and be able to have this life that we're so madly in love with and however that looks? And if that life is being rooted and grounded in a home that you do the things, then that gets to be beautiful also. But I want to reflect back that the joy The no regrets in life comes from you living authentically for you first, knowing what feels good for you and having those hard stop boundaries, the no seed oil in your life and be able to explore from there. And know that pivots, changes are just simply redirections. Redirections from God, source, universe, whomever you believe in, it's a redirection. So if you choose to go to school and get your master's in XYZ and you get out of your program of your graduate degree and you get into life and you're like, yeah, that doesn't work for me anymore. That gets to be okay. Yeah. You just get to try a new chip flavor. I'm going with the ripples, the sour cream and onion this time. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. All right. Well, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for just sharing your perspectives. I think this was such a beautiful conversation. And if somebody would like to reach out to you and just ask you like, Oh, what is it like to have a corporate job and run to two entrepreneur businesses? How can they get ahold of you?

Alanna Hawley: So I did just launch a substack and it's whichwayhome, which is spelled W-I-T-C-H, of course, whichwayhome.substack.com. Can people message me there? So I don't have a public Instagram profile. I don't give out, I'm not a, I'm a, I'm not a publicist.

Victoria Starr: So we're just going to say, just go follow you on which way home. I'm all about the witch, W-I-T-C-H, all about the witch woo. Um, yeah. So thank you for sharing that. And one last thing, every guest on the show, I ask this question. It's an unknown question. You do not know what it is. So if you could go back to a younger version of you, what age would you go back to? And what would you tell you?

Alanna Hawley: Oh my gosh, well, that's this is perfect timing, because I've been doing some specific inner inner child work, finally, my first battle. So there is a specific I am speaking to this me every day right now. And it is around age, probably nine or so. And the message is, you know, Basically, don't worry. You are so loved and you are going to be surrounded by love and all of this rejection you feel right now. I can't tell you why it's happening. but it's just temporary and your future holds so much vibrancy, you won't even believe it. You won't even believe it until you get there. So, yeah.

Victoria Starr: Thank you for sharing that, aw. Thank you for asking that. Yes, I see her, your nine-year-old self and I'm just sending her so much love and yeah, I can see the vibrancy within her too. So thank you for sharing that. Oh, all right. So this episode is a wrap for recording and 2024. The last one I'm recording for this year, but it will drop in 2025. So thank you so much for being here. Elena banana. Atlanta Holly, thank you. Thank you for shining your light. Thank you for shining your wisdom. Thank you for asking me the questions and allowing me to stretch myself too. So until next time, I will see you all in 2025. You are the heart and soul of Living Raw and Radiant. Take this energy, this courage, and infuse it into every moment of your life. Remember, you have the permission to choose you. I invite you to stay connected, keep shining your light, and continue to embody the essence of Living Raw and Radiant. Together, we are igniting a movement of empowerment, authenticity, and soulful living. Until next time, my friends, keep living your soul's desires.