Discover how Breathwork & supporting a partner with addiction transformed Amy Morgan’s life. Learn how she reclaimed her identity and found healing.

Are you ready to embark on your own journey of self-discovery and transformation?

Meet Amy Morgan, a woman who turned her life around by embracing the power of Breathwork. On the latest episode of "Raw & Radiant," Amy opens up about the chaos that once defined her life and how she found clarity and healing.

Breathwork has become a beacon of hope for many, offering a path to healing and self-discovery. For Amy, it was nothing short of a lifeline. Her journey began in the midst of her husband's struggle with addiction—a battle that lasted over two decades. As Amy navigated this tumultuous period, she stumbled upon Breathwork through her son's homeopathic doctor, Ashley D. Adam. Little did she know, this encounter would mark the beginning of her transformation.

"I didn't even know Breathwork was a thing," Amy recalls. Her first session, conducted virtually, was fraught with nerves and uncertainty. Yet, it quickly evolved into a powerful release. "I found myself crying," she shares. "I didn't even know I was holding on to all these things."

With each Breathwork session, Amy peeled back layers of emotional baggage, uncovering a new sense of peace and clarity. This practice didn't just help her cope with her husband's recovery; it enabled her to reclaim her own identity and purpose.

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The Benefits of Breathwork: Breathwork is more than just a practice; it's a gateway to emotional and physical healing. Participants often report benefits such as:

• Reduced stress and anxiety
• Enhanced emotional resilience
• Improved focus and mental clarity
• Deeper connection to one's inner self
• Release of past traumas and negative emotions

Today, Amy is a devoted Breathwork facilitator, eager to share this transformative practice with others. Her story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the profound impact of self-care and community support. If Amy's journey resonates with you, perhaps it's time to explore Breathwork for yourself.

Are you ready to embrace your own journey of transformation? Let Amy Morgan's inspiring story be your guide. Breathwork opened the door to healing and self-discovery for Amy, and it can do the same for you. Listen to her journey on "Raw & Radiant" and take the first step toward your own clarity and empowerment.

Resources for Your Journey

• Benefits of Breathwork
• How Breathwork Can Benefit Your Health
• Can Breathwork Be Done Online?

TRANSCRIPT:

Victoria Starr:
Before we hop into the show with my special guest, I want to personally invite you to a sacred ceremony, a retreat with my soul sister, Ashley D. Adam. We are hosting a magical, energetic, potent retreat. called Roots Reclaimed a Sacred Journey in Sedona. This is one of the most magical places that I have been to in the western half of the U.S. It is one of the most healing places on earth. There's vortexes and high vibrational frequencies and we are bringing all this energy into our retreat. This retreat will be hosted in 2024, October 31st through November 4th. And this retreat is ideal for women that are desiring this immense transformation in their life, the spiritual path, but they're unsure how to get there. If you're desiring to let go of the past and to step into a new future, to waken to your intuition, to restore your innate feminine essence, this retreat is for you. So I'm going to give you a sneak peek at some of the immersive embodiment practices that we will be offering at this retreat. There will be a sacred earth, altars, somatic breathwork, mama earth medicine, private soul activation readings, which sounds so juicy, tribal body painting, which incorporates just so much fun and joy. chanting and drumming cacao ceremonies and so so so much more so if you're desiring more information on this check out the show notes there will be a link how you can find out more details how you can claim your spot and until Welcome to Raw and Radiant, the podcast that ignites your spirit and empowers your soul. Are you ready to embark on a transformative journey? Here, we give other women permission to embrace their truth, to find the courage to choose themselves first. Because guess what? You are not alone. Join us in this massive journey of empowerment and courage. Together we'll illuminate your inner spark, empowering you to embrace the radiant light within and show you how magical you are. It's time to unleash your potential and make a difference in this world. Are you ready to step into the raw and radiant version of you? Hello and welcome back to another episode of Raw and Radiant. I am so excited and so happy that you are here. Thank you for joining me. I am delighted to have a beautiful soul that I recently met in breathwork teacher training. The last round with the healing couple, her name is Amy Morgan, and she was one of the beautiful souls that were in there. in that container to really step into their leadership to step into their expansiveness and to heal her own soul. Her story is magical and it's powerful as fuck and I am so grateful that she is stepping into sharing with vulnerability and authentically her story her story as a mama of three boys with a husband who is a recovering addict, three plus years, who is sober. That is such a beautiful story. And I know a lot of it has to do with choosing yourself and then choosing the power of breathwork. So She is here to share wisdom and insight, sharing the hard shit, knowing that we all go through the hard shit, and she has come out the other side. So her story is of strength and hope. And in this moment, in the years that she has had, she never knew, she never realized that she would be where she is today. And I have full body goosebumps just sharing that. So please, Raw and Radiant community, please welcome Amy Morgan. Thank you so much for being here, Amy.

Amy Morgan: Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so honored to be here and just be real, be raw.

Victoria Starr: Yeah, that's awesome. I know that this is her first podcast. It sounds like it's mine. I'm stumbling over my words, but that's okay. Give me a little insight. First of all, I want to talk about Breathwork. I want to talk about how you found Breathwork and what made you want to take your first Breathwork class.

Amy Morgan: Okay, so I was introduced through breathwork through Ashley D Adam. So Ashley D Adam was my son's homeopathic doctor. And through her, she introduced it to me, we did a little bit of like, guided meditation in the office with my son. She had put out a like a I I'm at a loss of words, like on Instagram, she put out, like, try to win a free breathwork class. And I'm like, well, let's try it. And so I did. And I won it. And I'm like, wow, I never won anything. This is amazing. And I did it. And my first breathwork class, I was so nervous to even do it. It was virtual. And I'm definitely like a like a one-on-one, in-person type of person. So it was very nerve-wracking for me. I have three boys and a husband and a dog, and I had to like seclude myself in my tiny bedroom and try to make it work. And it worked. And I found myself like crying, and I just, I never even knew broth work was a thing. I did not even know it was a modality until I did that. And from there, I started, taking some classes locally out here too. We have the Theosophical Center and then Solder World, which is a lovely place. If you ever are out in this area, definitely visit it. You'll love it. Where are you? I'm in, uh, I'm in Illinois. So I'm in Wheaton, Illinois, but Sadder World is out in, I think it's like Woodridge or whatnot. It's, it's a good like 30 minutes from me, but anyway, you wouldn't be disappointed. So I started taking breath work and, um, sound journeys through them and Theosophical Center. Hands down amazing. It's been my best tool ever. I didn't even know that I can like tap into this part of me that needed to be tapped into. Wild. Wild. Had no idea that I can release things. I didn't even know that I was holding on to. Had no idea. So that was my first introduction was treating my son, you know, for a flu of things through Ashley DeAnim and then experiencing it first with her and just her presence it's just so it's it was so comforting and welcoming, you know? So I was like, wow, this is, this is really cool.

Victoria Starr: So that was my first introduction. That's so beautiful, Amy, because like you started with homeopathy, you were, you started with treating your son. So you were looking outside of yourself, like, this isn't for me, this is for him. And then within that, you received this beautiful gift of this free session. And you leap into this breathwork, like, what the hell is it? That's kind of like mine. the first time my experience is like, I don't know what this is doing, but I'm, I'm going to do it because it feels right. It felt so right. Yeah. So you experienced the online presence and then you went to in-person, um, breathwork sessions. Yeah. I love that. I love that. And so let's, um, before I get into when you signed up for breathwork teacher training, I want to hear about the story about your husband. And I know that this is an open book because this is your mission and this is your passion because I 100% remember your invocation and your declaration at the breathwork teacher training graduation and how you were going to show up for the world. So I again have full body goosebumps. You are exactly where you're meant to be. Please, please let, um, if you're open to sharing that, um, I would love to hear it.

Amy Morgan: Yes, I don't, I don't even know where to start we've been together for 20 plus years now. So, gosh, I don't even know where to pick up but I guess we'll start with, I knew him. Prior before I even started dating him and knew, I knew of my husband and knew that that was nobody I wanted to be a part of in my life. I wanted, I was not on that track in my life. I wanted nothing to do with him or the lifestyle that he lived. Fast forward, he was friends with my sister. That's how I met him. And my gosh, this is this is this is going to go real deep. So my husband, my husband ended up going to to prison for three years and kept in contact with my my husband is by 100% an open book too. So by me sharing you with you, he's 100% okay with it. So any questions. He went to prison for three years. He called my sister. And at the time, I remember her not wanting to answer the phone. And I just felt so bad for him. Like, oh my goodness, like, what if he has nobody to talk to? I should answer the phone for him. So it was a, you know, a collect call or whatnot. I don't know what it was, but so I answered, talked to him, whatnot. He had a picture of me, which I had no idea he had. He had a picture of me in prison. And he, to this day, we talk about this story all the time, he tells me that that was like, he knew he was talking to his cellmate, that I was going to be the one that he was going to marry. Yeah, I had no idea. He was still like, I'll talk to you on the phone, because you're in prison, but I still want nothing to do with you in real life, like outside of the phone call, nothing. And fast forward, he gets out, he comes to see my sister, I see him. He asks me out on a few dates, probably about 10, and I kept saying no until he showed up at my door once and literally was like, you cannot say no anymore. And just, let's just go out to dinner. Takes me out to dinner. And, uh, when I met him, you know, after that, he was like this perfect man who was not into drugs, alcohol, all the things he was into fitness and like such a kind hearted man. Um, we go on a date, best date I've ever had in my life at the time. It was great, great conversation, but still was like, yeah, whatever. I it's fine. I don't want to continue with that. Like, I still don't want that. Um, nonetheless, we continued to date after that and got engaged. So bad habits started to seep back into his life. And so from there, from when right before we got married until three years and four months ago, he was in and out of different states of like, abuse with drugs, whether it was cocaine or heroin, alcohol, all the things. And it started to get messy because I was married and I was young and I'm like, oh my gosh, look at this, never something I've dealt with in my life and it seems so heavy and so big. So moving on from that, rehab, all the things, like there was so much that we went through. We started having kids and then I felt like I could not get out of the situation at that point, you know, but, but deep in my heart, I also didn't want to get out of that situation. Like I wanted it out. I wanted him to get out of the situation. There you go. I knew the man that I met, I knew what he was capable of. And he's a good fucking man. He's a good man. He has such a soul about him. That is so But you'll never meet a man like that again he's so kind and genuine and he just to the point where I like Scott, I think you're being taken advantage of he's like, and he always he always says like that's not for me to deal with that's not for me to worry about what you know like he's just such a good man anyway.

Victoria Starr: he uh he in and out of rehabs and whatnot and um finally i'll i just i don't even there's so much victoria that's okay that's okay we can do a whole nother episode so let's just go to like he's been sober for three plus three plus years now and and i take me to that point like when he decided okay this is the time yeah this is a good one because

Amy Morgan: I was on him for probably about two weeks at this point, and he knew like it was coming to an end. And I didn't know how bad it was. Like I was finding Tito's bottles of alcohol, vodka, randomly hidden in the garage. I would call him out on it. I would see him, you know, find my iPhone. Where's my husband? I don't know where he's at. So find him. Oh, he's at the liquor store. That's weird. Why is he at the liquor store? Or why is he on the west side of Chicago? Real bad place to be. And you're only there for one reason. Why is he in these places? And he always had reasons. He always had excuses. I had to take stones over there or I had to do this. Always excuses, okay. So it comes down to it. And I was in a point where I was like, okay, this, I don't know what you're doing, but this needs to stop. Like it's really bad. We have three boys. It needs to stop now.

Victoria Starr: How old are the boys at this point?

Amy Morgan: Goodness, how old were they? Let's see, three years ago. So 10, seven, and then our youngest was literally just like maybe a year and a half old.

Victoria Starr: Yeah. Okay. So a lot on the line, a lot on the line.

Amy Morgan: A lot on the line. So, uh, I see him driving into the city past the West side. So I call him and I say, Hey, what are you doing? Where are you going now? And he's never been one to like, uh, talk about committing suicide ever. And so I never worried about that. I always worried about him either overdosing or getting killed in the city. So I called him and he's like, I'm driving myself into the city to rehab. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Can you come home so we can figure this out as a unit and I will take you to rehab. So he came home, called the police in the city in Chicago, got him a bed, we were gonna take him. So that was on a Saturday. Sunday is the day he had to turn himself, not turn himself in. Cause it's not prison, but you, that was the day they're like, okay, we have a bed on Sunday. You can bring him brought him that night, Victoria, from Saturday to Sunday, I had such peace of mind, but did not even know the craziness that was going on in my living room. And I woke up to, uh, It was wild, like 15 text messages from him. And to this day, I have never fully watched. They were all videos. I have not watched it because in his mind, he was going to die that night. He was never going to make it to rehab. he was going all in that night. And he fucking went all in that night with all the things, alcohol, cocaine, all of it, because he just knew in his heart that he couldn't go on anymore like this. Like, he didn't know, he didn't think that he can do rehab, but he didn't, he knew that he couldn't move on anymore in this manner.

Victoria Starr: So, so yeah, that's Amy, Amy, pause for a second, come back. We have a glitch glitch in the matrix glitch in the star link. So the last part I heard is that he was in the living room. You're getting texts and video messages that he was going all in on not thinking that he's going to be around the next day.

Amy Morgan: Yes. Okay. So I get all these text messages that he's, uh, or videos, the videos were, um, videos to pretty much say how much he loves us. And he made a video for each one of our kids. It was like a goodbye type of thing. Uh, one for me, one for my three boys and then several others of him just expressing how sorry he is and how much he loves everybody type of thing. It was really. heartbreaking, obviously, to see, but I didn't watch them. But even to this day, like I have not fully watched them through because it is heartbreaking to watch something like that. So we he I wake up, he's, he's here with us by the grace of God. And and that's exactly his path in life right now is like his, a power of his understanding, a higher power of his understanding is what he calls it. Um, is the only thing that saved him. He decided to wake up and surrender himself and say, he can no longer do this. And I need help. And so we took him down. He stayed for one fucking night, Victoria, one night, this was supposed to be a 28 day program. So you can imagine when he called me the next day, and said, Amy, I'm ready. I'm done. I need to come home now. And we argued about this. No, you're not ready. I literally felt like Like life had paused and I can breathe. Like I could breathe in that moment and felt so much relief that he was being taken care of and I had nothing to worry about at home except to take care of my babies.

Victoria Starr: Right. That's a lot for you to hold. Yeah. It was so much, so much. Can I, I want to pause you here for a second because there is a lot for you to hold like these, this amount of years, these amount of years that you have been together and you've watched this, this, these actions of somebody that you love and like, it's deeply painful for you to watch someone that is, that is so close to you. go through this heartache and this hardship and not understand. I mean, there is no understanding for what they're going through, right? And then you're trying to hold this family unit together with the boys and with your husband and also you yourself. How are you surviving, Amy?

Amy Morgan: Oh, it was awful. It was so awful. Yeah, it was, I was literally in survival mode for years. That's all, like I said, it's all I knew. That's all I knew was survival mode. I went to work every day. My mom was our caregiver for our boys at the time. So I was blessed to have her come here three days a week and watch our boys for us. I didn't have to worry about my husband having to watch the boys. Um, he did his own thing. I went to work every day. Obviously he went to work too. Um, it was a lot, it was a lot to carry on and go through, go through life, like the smile on your face and life is good. And, and you don't talk about addiction with people like that is a, I mean, I do now I will talk about it with anybody and everybody, because I feel like it's such a taboo. conversation, people are so embarrassed and, um, a lot of shame is involved with that too. And on the addicts part, a lot of guilt as well.

Victoria Starr: So, um, and there's judgment, there's judgment too. You don't know, like, who's going to be in your corner. Who's going to support you? Who, like how beautiful that your mom is still able to walk this journey with you and hold you and support the boys while all of this is going on with her daughter.

Amy Morgan: Yes. And my mom, my mom did. know most of the time because she was the one person that I could tell and the one person that sure she had her own opinions, but she knew this was my journey and I had to walk through it like she had her own opinions and from time to time would express them, but knew that that wasn't something for her to interject herself with and say, you need to do this and you need to do that. Why aren't you doing because that's nobody wants that like I that's not what I needed at the time. I didn't need people to tell me what to do. I need people to hold my hand and outside of my mom. There was nobody nobody and that And that is a huge reason why I, and we can get back to this, but a huge reason why I want to bring this to the community because I want to be that person for that woman, that whoever it is that needs that hand to hold and walk through it and without being judged, without feeling shame, without feeling guilt or embarrassment, because all of those things I felt for so long and it's become so isolating. Like the isolation itself was, was not great. And, and I did it to myself, you know, I, I did it to myself to protect myself, I guess, and protect them.

Victoria Starr: And also, like, we're in the society to of judgment of like, Oh, why are you staying in that relationship? Like there's so much guilt that's put upon you from society that you don't feel safe to share that with anybody. So I'm, I'm so happy that you had your mom to be able to hold you because as humans, we want to be seen. We want to be loved and we want to be supported. That's it. Yeah. Whatever journey we're walking through. Yeah.

Amy Morgan: That's all. That's all humans want in life is to be to be seen, to be heard, to be held, like all the things, you know. we could do without all of the judgment in life, honestly, you know?

Victoria Starr: Yeah, we're all on this human journey on this planet in this meat suit, and we're doing the best that we can. So that's the permission slip. So fast forward back to the next day where Scott called you and he's like, I'm done. 24 hours later, I'm done.

Amy Morgan: Yeah. So he said he's done. He said he had a conversation with the woman who was supposed to be taking care of him. So my husband, before he went to bed at night, prayed, he's not a at that point he he didn't believe in any sort of higher power, how could a higher power allow, you know, in his mind. what led up to his addiction happened to him in life. You know, he has his own trauma, childhood trauma. How could all of that be allowed to happen, right? If there's a higher power who loves him. So he decided that whoever his higher power was at the time, he would pray to them and hope for the best. And he woke up the next day No, not now this guy was drinking when I say he was drinking like a huge bottle. I don't I don't drink anymore. I don't drink but even back then I don't know what it's called. If it's like a handle a fifth. I don't know how big it was. It was fucking big though a day like one a day on top of whatever else he was doing cocaine whatnot. He woke up the next day like like he had this moment, I don't know what you want to call it but everything had been lifted to him is all he can say is like, I have no desire I have no. no withdraws, no, and I don't know if you've ever known anyone to have to come off of alcohol or, or any sort of drug. Like I watched my husband do it several times with other things like heroin and cocaine and several other things. It is fucking ugly. It's not good. It's, it's horrible. Withdrawals are horrible. He had none of that. For a man who was doing it solid day, day, like to the point where if he didn't drink, he was shaking. It was bad. Wow. Wow. So all he can say is his hig him and knows that he had world. And to this day, h he doesn't, he doesn't r things that he's been put It's his purpose in life now to share and to help others. That's what he does now is, you know, outside of his nine to five. Yeah. So, so yeah, I picked him up. I went down, sorry, go ahead.

Victoria Starr: What? So you received this call from him. He's gone through this before. Are you like, at this point, are you like, okay, here we go again? Yep. Yep. Yep.

Amy Morgan: I was like, here we fucking go. Here we go. Like I've, I've seen this story before. We've done this before. It's not my first rodeo here. Here we go. So I lovingly go pick him up because he was going to walk out anyway and he was just going to be wandering the streets of Chicago. So I go pick him up. We have a conversation on the way back home. He gets dropped off at, no, we come home and then he goes right to an AA meeting. And so, and then he goes like three, four, he took two weeks off of work. He went like three, four times a day to meetings. Um, he just got in it deep, like, and he's very deep in it to this day too. So, um, he's met some amazing men through that. He got a sponsor. Um, Since that has had another sponsor.

Victoria Starr: So, let's, let's talk about. Alright, so you go pick him up and you say to yourself, here we go again, I'm in this again. This is like rinse and repeat. Yes. How are you taking care of your nervous system, your nervous system for this whole entire relationship? You're on fight or flight. You're in survival mode. And here you are again in the same position. How are you taking care of you?

Amy Morgan: There was no taking care of me ever, ever until recently. And I didn't even know I needed to be taken care of. I thought my purpose in life was to take care of him, make sure he was okay. Make sure my kids were okay. Go to work and make money. That was like, I, I, at that point, that's what I did all day long, every day. Um, I did not take care of myself. I actually, I did go to a place I was doing like working out. I was doing, uh, the daily method, which is like bar workout.

Victoria Starr: Um, so I did that, but, and you're an esthetician by trade, correct? I was. Yep. Okay. So you're, you're still in that space of taking care of other people, other people.

Amy Morgan: Yes. That was hard. yeah we're working one-on-one with people I needed to be able to not transfer my life's energy to these people who are coming in, paying for a relaxing facial or they're coming in and you know, when you're in a… To be nurtured. Yes, yes, yes. So it was, it was, I did not realize how hard it was until I was out of it, until I left my job, until I felt safe to put my guard down with my husband. And that just recently happened when I signed up for breath work class. And even then I was like on the teeter totter about it.

Victoria Starr: So, um, I'm going to get the timeline straight here in my mind. Um, so he, he said, it's been lifted. I'm going to triple AA sometime. Quad AA is a day, which is really beautiful to have that support system. When did within this journey, when did you start to realize that you get to take care of yourself? When did you start the breath work? When did you tap into homeopathy?

Amy Morgan: Gosh, that was not until. think I did not start with Ashley until probably my husband was two years sober. Yeah, I mean, it was it. And to this day, I feel like I still have a little bit of like imposter syndrome, because I don't feel like I'm fully there yet. I was there. where in my mind where I think I need to be, you know, and I don't know where that's at. That's where I have all my ducks in a row, where I have everything perfect. I have all the things lined up, ready to go.

Victoria Starr: So you're living in that, that illusion of that perfection, right? That, that shiny object moment.

Amy Morgan: Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like I've lived so much in a, in a chaotic, um, chaotic, like, like a tornado, my life was like a tornado at home, it was a tornado outside of the home, everything was fine. And so I feel like a little bit of that still lives within me like that. I keep telling you, I try I keep trying to like tell myself like, to give myself grace, like that, I'm in time, it will come in time. It's getting better, like that whole process is getting better. But it, it was not until Yeah, maybe a year and a half ago at this point, where I took my son cashed in to go see Ashley and she introduced me to breathwork and I did breathwork. And even then, I like it was, it was so profound that I was, I felt like I was

Victoria Starr: instantly crying doing it like it was really since I had no idea so your body was so ready to get rid of a layer of shit right I mean because there's layers and layers you have 20 plus years of program that you were in the survival mode and this tornado that your body is like kind of in this because it's no longer a cortisol spike, right? It's the norm in your body. That high is a norm in your body. And so it's trying to re-regulate your nervous system, right? It's like, how do you do that? So you go into breathwork and you feel this profound experience and you shed a layer, you cry, you release, and then you start going to in-person sessions. Are the in-person sessions for you still that safe haven where you can purge another layer and you can let go. You can scream if it, if it feels right to do so.

Amy Morgan: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. It is profound. It's amazing. It's honestly beautiful. I love it.

Victoria Starr: So, okay. So then breathwork teacher training came in and that was six months ago. yeah yeah okay okay so i know i know you have this beautiful on your instagram you have this beautiful image of you holding space you being the facilitator for your husband scott who's breathing on i'm going to assume on your bedroom bed yeah yeah so he's allowed Let me collect my thoughts here because there's several different ways. I want to ask you this question too, because I know facilitating for men that are in the program of AA, like it is a lot to fricking hold. I've held space for a dozen men, um, and, and individually also, and it is a lot for them to hold in it for you to hold as the facilitator. So let's also, you're the wife and you're the mama. Yes. And you get to take care of yourself. So tell me about that. First, I want to hear about when was the first time he said yes to allowing you to hold space for him as a facilitator? Yeah.

Amy Morgan: So my husband, I'll tell you, he is my he's my number one fan. He like pushes me every day to go harder to go bigger. He he is. He's able to do that for himself. And that's what he wants for me. I am the other hand a much different in that way, so he couldn't wait for me to fit like he was begging like let me just do it, let me, let me be it, let me be your model like he could not wait he's been on his own journey, though, and since he started a. He has been on such. he's he was ready. He's done Reiki. He's done sound journeys. He's done breathwork. He's done all the things and, and let me like back up really quick, because I will tell you, if you don't mind, that was a huge resentment I had with him was he was able to heal. But where the fuck was my healing? Like, why wasn't I able to heal? Why? I felt like I still needed to take care of the kids. I still needed to take care of the house. He was able to leave the house all day long, go to AA, go to Reiki. In my mind, it was like this leisurely life of like, ah, I get to go heal. I get to be like- It's a vacation, right? You're still doing the chores. Yeah. And I'm now trying to figure out what just happened. My husband is better, but now I feel more resentment. I don't know what to do with my life. I've been taking care of him, fixing, cleaning up all the messes, putting out fires for 20 plus years. What do I do now? So let's go back. He was on a healing journey already. So he could not wait for me to do this for him. And, and I couldn't wait to do it for him either. I was super nervous about it, but I, I did it again.

Victoria Starr: So, um, Starlink. uh, knocked us off the internet here for a moment. So let's go back to, there was resentment. You were healing. He's doing his journey of healing. He's doing all the things that is helping him and his soul and his mind. But here you are still stuck in the chaos. Yeah.

Amy Morgan: Still stuck in the chaos. Stuck in the, what do I do now? My husband is getting better, which I, that's all I've ever wanted. And that's, I love it. But now what do I do with all this that I have? Because all it was doing was turning into resentments, which wasn't good. I was going with him to open meetings for AA, and I'm not sure if you're familiar with AA, but open meetings. anyone can go to and listen to. So that was our date night every week for a long time, and even to this day, we go. But it was a nice chance to talk about it. Every time I would listen to somebody else tell their story, or even my husband would go up and tell his story, and I would hear something new. It was such a nice way to connect with him and talk to him about our own, like his journey and my journey. And he was, in the past, he was always very defensive when I would bring something up. And now that he's in this program, he's become more aware of what he's done and how it's affected me and was very open and accepting to what I had to say, like, hey, this is how I feel now. Or when we do this, I feel like, like you're going to relapse again, or and it just it just, it just became a very good way to communicate with them.

Victoria Starr: What a beautiful gift to your nervous system. What a beautiful gift to your relationship. What a beautiful gift to your boys to be able to have that date night, to go to those open AA meetings, to be able to see a different side because there is that safe space in those AA meetings. I have been to them and it does create that safe container that you could hear the different things that the bullshit that's going on in his mind. And also it's a safe place for you to share the bullshit that's going on in your mind and be able to articulate to him and to the group and to be held in that safe space. So that is such a beautiful gift.

Amy Morgan: It's an amazing gift. Honestly, it's the best gift so far that we've had as a couple together. It's been profound. So let me get back to your question. Sorry, I'm all over the place.

Victoria Starr: No, that's okay. No, I love these tangents.

Amy Morgan: So when I, when, when you seen, uh, an Instagram that I held space for him and did breath work for him, that was the very first time I've done it for him. There were some times where I would like replay back, um, some from our breath work training and have him, you know, work through the exercise that they were doing and, and do the breath work. And he is just, he's just always been someone who's so open. to receive that that every single time it was profound like if it were if it were on his time or you know whatnot he he would do this every day if I would for him. But yeah, like he is he freaking loves it, loves it.

Victoria Starr: That's so good. So I have witnessed and the men that I have held space for that are recovering, are in recovery, that there's a lot of resistance, though, to there is a lot of The uncertainty of going into the unfamiliar. Have you recognized that within him too when he's doing this?

Amy Morgan: Not him, but there is definitely. My husband, he's a different breed, I'm telling you. He's a different breed. When I say he's a very open person, he is very open to receive any sort of things. Like he just, he loves exploring different options, outside of what's considered the norm. Let's see, how do I say this? Okay, so a lot of people, God, God is huge in AA, okay? Because a lot of people believe in a certain type of God, sometimes breathwork becomes blurred to them as if that's like against the rules type of thing. If that makes sense, like that's like you're letting like it's an open portal and you can be letting in unwanted spirit type of thing.

Victoria Starr: It's not within the box of what some of them believe is appropriate.

Amy Morgan: Yes, yes. So I have not worked with those type of people, but I know that they're there because I've talked with them.

Victoria Starr: Yeah.

Amy Morgan: So my husband is not that type. Like he is very, very open to anything. He does all the things.

Victoria Starr: I love that. Yeah. So tell me about, about your healing journey now, Amy. healing from these years of being in this addiction because you're in it also like let's not let's not sugarcoat it you're in it also so tell me about how you are healing and these three years like we've talked about the resentment of him starting to go into his healing journey and being open to receive all these different modalities like let's talk about you as the support system of the recovering addict yes

Amy Morgan: So it's something that's just recently started to happen, honestly, since I took the, maybe, I don't want to get the date wrong, but it was probably about a year and a half ago, maybe a little bit more, I'm not sure, that I started, that I did my very first breathwork class online with Ashley. Um, that just kind of got me into this whole loop of like, Oh, what is this? Like, this is pretty fucking cool. I love it. It felt amazing. Um, and if I can tap into that, what else can I do? So, um, my husband suggested, as far as healing, he suggested like, why don't you go to Allen on? And I'm like, I don't want to go down and I don't feel like I want to talk to all these people right now about everything. Um, What do you go to therapy? No, I don't want to do that either I wanted to do like I liked things like breath work in sound journey. So I started dabbling in that and it just Felt so good to my soul. It felt so nourishing to my soul. It was amazing So that's where I started and then because of Ashley posting about like the healing couple That's where I started learning about them. I started following them signed up on their website like hey, let's let's try to do this, but then when I got the email like This is the time let's let's sign up Amy. I literally like froze. I was like, I'm not actually sure if I'm right.

Victoria Starr: This is fucking real now.

Amy Morgan: Real. Like I went back and forth for a real long time until I finally hit yes and hit or send sent the email. It said yes, sign me up. So it took a long time to do that. Fast forward, now here I am. Is this frozen again?

Victoria Starr: Uh-oh. Yep, we're in another sacred pause. So you just said, I went back and forth for a real long time with signing up for Breathwork teacher training.

Amy Morgan: Yes. So I went back and forth for a long time with whether or not I was going to do it because I wanted it. But I was so scared to start something new because for so long, my life was the same. It was, like I said, putting out fires, cleaning up messes, fixing, fixing, fixing, always fixing other people, even at work, fixing people. That's all I did was fix people at work too. Giving them facials, waxing them. I was, that's all I did was give, fix, give, fix everybody else. yeah I did not get any of that for myself, but I didn't even know how to receive it so like I said when I took. ashley's. class, like, I guess it was just so nurturing, nurturing to me that like, somebody else was giving to me somebody else was loving on you. I didn't know how to take that. That's probably why I was crying so much like, Oh my gosh, this is what it must feel like, you know. So So yeah, this is this is how it started. So I signed up, I I did the healing couple. I know you were in there too. And the first day I was a mess because I wasn't even sure. Again, I felt like I had imposter syndrome. And I really did go into it for myself. I had no intentions going into it to do it for other people other than I needed to do this for myself. I want to know everything about it. I want to know how to do it correctly. And I want to do it. So that's what I did. But then growing through it, I'm like, wow, I feel like I can really help other people. Like, I can't be the only one that's, and at the time you feel like you are the only person that is in that situation. You're the only person who has a husband who's addicted to all the things, who has, you have three kids, you have to, like, you feel like you're the only person with those struggles at that time.

Victoria Starr: Yeah. I mean, you mentioned that isolation and that depression of being those years and that. And so now, somebody else is loving on you.

Amy Morgan: Yes, yes. And I didn't know how to how to even handle that. Work, how to accept that how to receive that I should say, like, that's the best word. I didn't know how to receive that because I was so used to just doing it for other people. So it's kind of like pulling, pulling like a bandaid off, right? Like, what do you do now? How do you just, there's no easy transition, like you just have to let it happen. And you have to be okay with it. And for me, it was very uncomfortable to allow that to happen. But over time, it got easier, it got better. So here I am. Yeah, keep going. So here so here I am now in the class sharing things that I had no idea that I was capable of sharing with other people like this. I was taking this to the grave this whole, like, lifetime with my husband prior to him being who he is today was coming with me to the grave. I wasn't sharing it with people. It was I was embarrassed, it was, you know, shameful, all the things, judgment, all the things I just wanted, but the more I shared, the more I felt comfortable with it. Not comfortable in a way of like, oh, it was okay that it happened, like comfortable in a way that

Victoria Starr: other people want to hear this and I had no idea other people wanted to hear like to me this is just an ordinary I'm an ordinary woman with a story and you don't know what you don't know right like you don't know you lived this for so long you don't know that there's another side and you don't know that there's kind caring nurturing souls and safe containers and spaces that you can heal and grow through and that's the beauty of breathwork teacher training those 10 weeks together of creating these cohorts and this family that's your family for a lifetime because I know you and Anne Hadley are still friends. Yeah love her. Yeah and it's it's such a gift a gift to your nervous system a gift to to to the you that feminine goddess that's within you that higher self that's within you and also a gift to who's amy coming into who is she evolving into yes and that's that's gonna be a forever journey but that's where i am now is like

Amy Morgan: Who am I? I was so used to being one person and I'm not that person anymore. I don't have to do all these things that I did. I don't have to live in like a fight or flight state. I don't have to take care of all the people anymore. Now, who am I? Like, I have to peel back all these layers now to figure out who I am and who I'm really meant to be, like who I want to be, honestly, you know? And in my soul, I feel it, but it is very unchartered territory for me.

Victoria Starr: And it's scary too. I mean let's just let's say that is scary too but you have these tools now that you get to use that you can. So now, Amy, that you have graduated from Breathwork teacher training, you have this beautiful tool, you have experienced so many different powerful layers being released, and how do you utilize Breathwork now and how do you take care of yourself now in this new life that you and Scott have created for yourselves?

Amy Morgan: Yes. So how I utilize it now is for myself. I do it, I participate in it for myself, I facilitate for myself, or I listen to pre-recordings of others that I've already done. So that's what I'm doing right now. Scott enjoys it too, obviously loves it. But outside of that, I'm doing I'm doing a lot of shadow work because I feel stuck still. Like I feel like I have this knowledge. I had all this fire, you know, by the end of training, I was ready to go. And then I like froze because I was like, gosh, this is fucking real. Like now, now I get to help other people. Am I qualified to help other people? Am I like, that's where the imposter syndrome comes in.

Victoria Starr: Can I answer that? Yeah, yes. Yes, you are fucking fucking worthy of helping other people.

Amy Morgan: Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't. It doesn't feel real. If that makes sense. You know, like, I feel like I, Amy Morgan, does not feel like I can do that. But in my heart, I want to do it. Like I have all the visions, all the dreams of fucking doing it. Like we have a space now that my husband has that I can do in person. And that's what I want to do. Like I want to do in person. I want to feel that energy. I want to give my like my loving kind heart energy to others. I just I get, I don't know, it just gets me excited. I have goosebumps even talking about it because that's what excites me is just seeing them, seeing them, um, feel it and seeing them be able to process and work through it. So, so we're getting there.

Victoria Starr: I mean, when you have the goosebumps, like that's your, that I call truth bumps, like literally that's your truth. That's what your soul is lit up doing. And I'm so, so proud of you. I, I am so. I mean, it's just amazing to be woman to woman, shoulder to shoulder, walking this journey with you and seeing and witnessing you from the beginning of Breathwork teacher training. Cause obviously I didn't know you before then. And to the woman that you are now that you are evolving into and the Uncharted territory, like there's going to be the ebbs and flows like let's be Real here like there's gonna be the emotions in the fields but now you have this ability to be able to ride the waves the emotions and not shove them down and not and and and to just be able to nurture yourself because what I like to see is that we get to fill our own cup and the overflow into the saucer is what we give to give other people now. So once your overflow is in that saucer you get to hold other people, you get to see them, you get to love them and I love that you guys have the space to be able to do that so that you can give back and be a conduit for other people healing from addiction because it's a two-way journey for both you and Scott, right?

Amy Morgan: Yeah, yes, absolutely. I just feel like they deserve it so much. nobody should have to suffer so much in life. And I, and I, and I think that's the other part of the coin is all of the addicts, none of them, if they ever get out of that and tell their story, none of them wanted to be like that. None of them, they, they all have a story and they want healing. They deserve healing too.

Victoria Starr: Yeah. Yeah. Those. So your favorite quote, those who matter don't mind. And that was that mind don't matter. Yes. Yeah. It's so beautiful. That's so beautiful. I want to read your declaration that you posted on Instagram, and I know it came from Graduation Weekend. And so I just want to infuse these words into this message into your soul to keep showing up, to keep showing up for you, to keep showing up for your kids, to keep showing up for Scott, and to create that ripple out into the community. Oh my gosh, I have so many goosebumps right now. So your declaration, I'm going to read it, is my message is to addicts and anyone affected by addicts. You are seen and you are not alone. You are stronger than you know, and you can overcome any obstacle that crosses your path. Yeah. How does that feel?

Amy Morgan: Feels so beautiful coming from somebody else. Not that when I didn't write it, I didn't feel it, but to hear somebody else say that back to me, feels amazing. I love it. Thank you.

Victoria Starr: You are so welcome. Thank you. Yeah. Pause for the emotions to be here. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. The love and the support. All right. Thank you for doing this. Thank you for being on this journey with me. Thank you for sharing your story of power. with rawness and vulnerability and authentically showing up for you. And there's one last question that I asked all of my guests. It is a surprise question that you do not know that's coming. OK. All right. So if you could go back to a younger version of yourself, what would you tell yourself and how old are you? OK, so what age would you be and what would you tell her?

Amy Morgan: I would be about 14 or 15, and I would tell her You are not insignificant, you matter and you are seen.

Victoria Starr: I'm sending your 14, 15 year old Amy so much love and sending her a giant hug. And I am sending you a virtual giant hug. Thank you for being here.

Amy Morgan: Thank you, Victoria. I'm so honored for this. Thank you so much.

Victoria Starr: You're so welcome. Thank you. I mean, I don't know why you're thanking me. I'm thanking you. I don't know. But please tell my listeners how they can contact you if they want to share their story. If they want to ask you a question, how can they reach you?

Amy Morgan: So I am currently on Instagram right now at that breathwork experience. So you can reach me there. You can message me there. Lovely, lovely, lovely.

Victoria Starr: And thank What's your next step like what's your next step as far as your commitment to breathwork and your community.

Amy Morgan: So my next step is I plan to in the very near future host a a in person for addicts at my husband's new place. So that's what I'm working on right now and then from there I plan to start opening it up to the community and hopefully creating a safe space for people to come in.

Victoria Starr: Yeah, yeah, they really need it. They really desire it, too, because I've seen it in that space. So please keep us posted when when you have that place in or when you have that date in place. And I would love to promote it for you, even though you are virtual. Yes, absolutely. We we are the ripple and we get to continue the ripple. So thank you for being here.

Amy Morgan: Thank you, Victoria, so much. It was so great chatting with you.

Victoria Starr: You're so welcome. Thank you guys for listening. Thank you for joining in on this episode. If you have any questions, any questions for Amy, please reach out to her at The Breathwork Experience. If you have any questions for me about breathwork, how I can hold you and how I can support you, please reach out to me. Like, share, subscribe, do all the things. Let's get this podcast to as many people as possible because these stories, they make a difference. Until next time, see you guys on the next episode. You are the heart and soul of Living Raw and Radiant. Take this energy, this courage, and infuse it into every moment of your life. Remember, you have the permission to choose you. I invite you to stay connected, keep shining your light, and continue to embody the essence of Living Raw and Radiant. Together, we are igniting a movement of empowerment, authenticity, and soulful living. Until next time, my friends, keep living your soul's desires.